“We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart.”
“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.”
― Pema Chödrön
Luba and I travelled to the Fairy Godmother's farm yesterday to ride in St. Lazare. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful ride with beautiful horses and beautiful friends.
The beauty was book-ended with frustrating trailer loading experiences. Luba is no longer worried about being or staying on the trailer. Now she takes a lot of firm convincing to get on. As we were loading her to come home, I remembered 6 years ago when I came to fit Luba for a new saddle, that we had the same story. Groundhog day. Yikes.
Now, Luba has not been a terrible loader for 6 years. Sometimes she loads just fine. Since we have been practising this spring, she has been loading quite well. And I can now load her unassisted, a feat that was beyond the pale as recently as last month. She generally loads better when other horses are travelling with her. I don't blame her. I like to travel with friends too.
But none of this really matters. We travel alone a lot. We travel with others sometimes. Loading and travelling is just part of riding for us because we are distance riders. We do endurance driving and then we do endurance riding. It is like putting on the saddle.
Lynda reminded me that sometimes even horses that are dependable loaders have an off day and decide that they don't want to load.
Wendy and Sonja both pointed out to me that Luba was defying me - some rearing, some pulling back. Temper tantrums. So these are things we need to correct. Little cracks in our foundation.
I left the farm feeling a bit deflated. All that hard work seemed to have been for naught. But what is really going on here is that my ego has been popped.
There comes a time when the bubble of ego is popped and you can’t get the ground back for an extended period of time. Those times, when you absolutely cannot get it back together, are the most rich and powerful times in our lives.
– from Shambhala Mountain Center’sLearning to Stay,2003
Obstacles are not things that you deal with and they disappear. They come and go. They are shape shifters. What does not disappear is you ability to move through and past and around the obstacles. Again and again and again.
Pema says, “You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”
And Groundhog Day is a beautiful day for trailer loading and riding :)
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| Pema Chodron |
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