Don't make me angry

Trailer loading has been going quite well with Luba lately. We load to go places and we load to eat supper on the trailer. Lynda's trick of threading the lead rope through the side slats in the trailer has been working like a charm.

This morning I left the partition off to the side, and Luba loaded herself, I put a rope across the back of the trailer and closed the door, so she could travel with more room and on the angle of her choosing. She chose to ride on a slant, with her head tied in the usual place at the front left side. No issues unloading and we had a great ride, with lots of canter work in St Lazare.

On the way home, she loaded up the same way as the morning, but as I was putting up the bum rope, she turned around and decided to unload.  And I got angry. Like the Hulk. All Green and Ugly.

Actually, it was even worse that that. It was like my imitation of King Kong when visited the Empire State Building last fall. 

Here is a close up:

Any surprise that Luba and I started to have a fight? Any wonder that she doesn't want to go anywhere near the crazy angry lady and the metal cave on wheels?

 Thankfully, I managed to get a hold of myself. And when this happened, I looked like Parvati, the goddess of love and devotion.  And Luba loaded on the trailer and we lived happily ever after.

Through all her ordeals, Parvati’s love for Shiva never wavered. She is an affirmation that women can do whatever they set their minds to, no matter what obstacles they face. It is said that Parvati is the source of all power in the universe and that Shiva’s powers derive from her. 

Light and shadow

Sipping a coffee as headed out to the farm for an early morning lesson. Cloudy skies in Ottawa gave way to sweet morning sunshine as we neared Vars.

No green buckets in the sand ring this morning. Just me, Luba and Sonja and scary light and shadows. We start by going to the grove where all the scary fairy folk live. Just standing around. Head down. Relax. Go back and forth through the gate. Slowly and quietly. From light to shadow.

Soon we head back to the ring where light and shadows and water puddles are now less scary, relatively speaking. We practise bending left, right, left, right, ride small circles, halt, head down. Walk towards Sonja who moves around the ring, in and out of the light and the shadows. We have a few spooks. We have lots of nice moments. I start to figure out how to dance with her so that we unblock and direct her energy.

Uwe and Sonja have really helped me to keep things in perspective lately. Yes, Luba has her silly moments about light and shadows (and trailer loading, among other things). The trick is to pay enough attention to keep moving forward, but not so much attention that you turn it into something bigger than it really is. "Don't let it crawl up your ass."

Keep the big picture in mind. Luba and I do lots of things very very well together :)

On the way home, one of my favourite CBC Radio 2 Morning segments, Under the Covers, played a cover of David Bowie's "Rebel Rebel" in Portuguese. Softens the edges of my rebel child.

Luba, my Rebel Rebel, Calamity's child. Hot tramp, I love you so!

Groundhog Day

The teachings of Pema Chodron come to mind this morning.

“We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart.” 


“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” 
― Pema Chödrön

Luba and I travelled to the Fairy Godmother's farm yesterday to ride in St. Lazare. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful ride with beautiful horses and beautiful friends.

The beauty was book-ended with frustrating trailer loading experiences. Luba is no longer worried about being or staying on the trailer. Now she takes a lot of firm convincing to get on. As we were loading her to come home, I remembered 6 years ago when I came to fit Luba for a new saddle, that we had the same story. Groundhog day. Yikes.

Now, Luba has not been a terrible loader for 6 years. Sometimes she loads just fine. Since we have been practising this spring, she has been loading quite well. And I can now load her unassisted, a feat that was beyond the pale as recently as last month. She generally loads better when other horses are travelling with her. I don't blame her. I like to travel with friends too.

But none of this really matters. We travel alone a lot. We travel with others sometimes. Loading and travelling is just part of riding for us because we are distance riders. We do endurance driving and then we do endurance riding. It is like putting on the saddle.

Lynda reminded me that sometimes even horses that are dependable loaders have an off day and decide that they don't want to load.

Wendy and Sonja both pointed out to me that Luba was defying me - some rearing, some pulling back. Temper tantrums. So these are things we need to correct. Little cracks in our foundation.

I left the farm feeling a bit deflated. All that hard work seemed to have been for naught. But what is really going on here is that my ego has been popped.

There comes a time when the bubble of ego is popped and you can’t get the ground back for an extended period of time. Those times, when you absolutely cannot get it back together, are the most rich and powerful times in our lives. 

– from Shambhala Mountain Center’sLearning to Stay,2003

Obstacles are not things that you deal with and they disappear. They come and go. They are shape shifters. What does not disappear is you ability to move through and past and around the obstacles. Again and again and again.

Pema says, “You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”

And Groundhog Day is a beautiful day for trailer loading and riding :)

Pema Chodron